Two Callings; One Decision.

                                                                                                              Sunday, October 7, 2012
    I have tons to tell you about China's Hawaii, Hainan, but I've got more pressing news.
My world is spinning in a million different directions....Okay, just two.
    Every 6 months the church holds a worldwide address (like the state of the union address times 2) in which modern-day Prophets and Apostles speak and give modern day revelation. During these addresses, at the beginning they'll have news like where we'll be building a new temple. Last night at about 1am (General Conference is broadcasted a week later here, but we were still awake), Marissa, Shelby and I heard word that the age for eligible missionaries has been changed for boys from age 19 to age 18, and for women, age 21 to age 19. I stared in shock, I didn’t know what to think. My whole world flipped upside down.
    I have always wanted to serve a mission. I have a vivid memory of when I was 16, sitting in the foyer of our building in Pocatello. I don’t know why I wasn’t in class, I can’t remember. But I was talking to a woman, and she asked if I wanted to go on a mission. I said that if I was not romantically involved with anyone, I definitely wanted to go. She looked at me and shook her head, “You’ll go,” she said, “no doubt”. That memory has stuck with me my entire life.
    That statement I made to her was based on the fact that I would be 21. The circumstances have changed. I now have the opportunity to serve a mission and get married. The tides have changed. I truly believe that they changed it so more woman could do both.
    My heart instantly began to ache. I didn’t say anything for a good 10 minutes. I just stared at the ceiling. Finally, I grabbed my Book of Mormon and headed for the roof. I needed to be alone. I knelt down and instantly started crying. I prayed and prayed and prayed.
    The last couple of months I've fallen in love with a man and after 3 weeks we knew we were supposed to get married. We both talked to our families (and prayed like no other) and the spirit testified of the goodness of this desire.
    I want to serve, but I’m also in love with Stephen. I didn’t know what to do. Both are righteous decisions, and Heavenly Father would be so please with both. But which one is better, and which one is best? My heart was torn.
    I started opening my Book of Mormon to random pages, and reading underlined scriptures. All of them said to prepare, and all were kind of linked to missionary work. I went back to our room and got on Skype.
    I asked Matt to text mom and dad and see if they could get on Skype. Mom said she was in Sun valley, so she couldn’t, but dad could. He got on and I told him I didn’t know what to do. He responded with “We will support you in whatever you decide”. I asked him to pray for me so that I might know what would be best for me.
   I have always yearned to go on a mission, but it never really seemed to be feasible, but now it’s knocking at my door. At age 21, it’s advised to get married if you have the opportunity, rather than go on a mission. But at 19? This is my chance to do both. It’s my chance to serve. My chance to help bring the rest of our brothers and sisters to the fold. I need to be out in the field. It’s not a question about whether or not I have been called, it’s whether or not I want to heed this calling.
   Oh please pray that I will receive the Lord's will and make it my own. Pray that I will be in tune with the Holy Ghost so that I might know what the Lord would have me do.